Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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