Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
