I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize