I just made out with a guy for $7.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
