Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
