I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
