We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
my liver is dry heaving
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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