can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize