turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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