The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
