I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
