Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
