She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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