You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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