Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
