just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
