When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
