I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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