i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
is wine microwaveable?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
