Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
