I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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