just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize