Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
