How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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