the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
