so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't deserve a penis
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
