I cockslap morals
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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