Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
