I am spending my child support on dildos
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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