We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize