The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize