I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
