Just fell off a train. Bad.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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