Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
