fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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