I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
