I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
