Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
