You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
