Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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