i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
