I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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