HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
