bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
