This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
