I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
