Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
