Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
