Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
