I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
