Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
