Sry I called you an 8
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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