well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
