Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
