ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
