Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
