If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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