Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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