Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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