My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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