don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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