mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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