SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
