i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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