I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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