please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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