i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
