If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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