You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
