Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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