wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
