Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
