you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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