can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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