her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
