Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
