remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
