remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
