If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize