Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
