Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
