and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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