you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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