Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
