How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
