I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
