Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
