my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize