Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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