she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
