We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
