there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
