Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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