i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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